This first chapter is the "embark" on the journey with these conversations with the various selves within my timeline.

Lyrics:

Oh, I traveled back in time to meet the boy I used to be
I said to him, if you could see the things that I have seen
You would laugh and you would cry, well maybe even wanna die
Oh, but it's quite the life to live

See, I've had some people leave that really could have stayed
I've had some drunken nights, oh in the morning I have paid
You would laugh and you would cry, well maybe even wanna die
Oh, but it's quite the life to live

Sometimes, oh there'll be dark and dreary days
But I've come to tell you kid, that it'll be okay
Cause when you almost lost, well that's when you find your way
Oh, but it's quite the life to live

Yes, it's quite the life
Yes, it's quite the life
Oh, it's quite the life to live

As the second part of the series, I wanted to challenge myself lyrically. To do so, I asked the people around me at the time for a prompt:

"If you could give one piece of advice to your younger self, what would it be?"

I took their insights, wove them together, and crafted this letter to a younger version of myself.

Lyrics:

Venture out, get out of your box
It's not the place you want to live
Learn self-love, you're the one that's always there
The forever  friend you're looking for

Try to be kind to all you know
It's so true you reap what you sow
Just take the time to consider what I've said

Take your time and let yourself heal
Our heart, body, and minds are one
Care and love the older folk
Their mystery is likewise yours

Be sure to moisturize
Always buy your beds queen-sized
Just take the time to consider what I've said

Lyrics:

I said, hey, my friend, don't you worry about the end
And all the things that you see all around
Hey, my friend, don't you hurry and pretend
Pretend to be something that you're not

I said, hey, my friend, enjoy it while you can
And all the things that you see all around
Hey, my friend, oh, until the very end
Contemplate the earth and moon and stars

I said, hey, my friend, no it ain't the end
Ain't quite time for you to call it quits quite yet
Hey, my friend, on the words you can depend
Because this word is yours and mine the same

I said, hey, my friend, don't you worry about the end
The end will come sooner than you think
Beware, my friend, don't be focused on the end
Because the end will come when the end will come

The end will come when the end will come
So spend your time in the here and now

*Trigger warning (discussion of suicide)*

This chapter is particularly heavy, as it reflects a conversation with myself at the time of my first suicide attempt at age 17. When I initially wrote these lyrics, I was grappling with similar feelings of wanting to disappear after another attempt and searching for a way to ground myself or at least explore the foundations of my desires.

It follows "Chapter 3, Armageddon" because the themes of craving death and the end of the world were deeply rooted in the religious teachings I grew up with. These influences shaped my perspective, making it easy to resonate with the lyrics from Dawes:

"And if Heaven was all that was promised to me, why don't I pray for death?"

Lyrics:

Each passing moment, the time slips away
The truths I found out throughout the days
Through everything

Lyrics:

Always order the number three extra cheese, it's a guarantee
Tell the stars that they have your heart, you're a part of their very start
There appears to be a discrepancy in a few things that you do believe
How about that

I just want the best for you
I just want to see you get through, all the stupid fucking bullshit, my friend

Times are hard and they'll get harder
You fooled around and lost your heart, sir
The only way to get it back is a long way, that's okay

I just want the best for you
I just want to see you get through, all the stupid fucking bullshit, my friend

Sweet lullabies, they make us want to cry, sometimes fly
Maybe a little beer, weed and wine, just sometimes, that'll be okay
Don't you worry about why the sun shines, just let it shine on your face
The choice has always been yours to go or stay, or to be your own saint

Lyrics:

The truth of it is, the hurt you caused has left me in bliss
The change oh to come, it's gonna burn brighter than the sun
No longer adapting to the numb

The guilt that I feel, can turn on me so I can't heal
The chaos of your schemes, is only fantasy and dreams
No longer your darkness I will be

I've did all my best, so now I can finally rest
With the idea inside of me, it's my choice and I am free
I'm not that thing you need me to be, I'm not that thing you want me to be
It's my choice, I'm finally free

It's my choice, I'm finally free
I'm not that thing you need me to be, I'm not that thing you want me to be
It's my choice, I'm finally free

Lyrics:

Seasons change, autumn rearranges all the things inside my mind
Tides turn, oh I burn, it's a mysterious type of kind
You think some things might change, ooh, but they'll be like this for a while

The pines that line this ocean gateway remind me that it's hard for me to stay in one place
The bumps in the road cause me to slow, but slowing down just isn't for me
The concentration of fear is never high, ooh, when you want to die

There's nothing wrong with being distracted by the nature cause it nurtures all of your soul
To erase some time from your line, that's the truth and consequence of being free
Living is being distracted, ooh, by the things that you want

Lyrics:

Father time and mother nature have tried to let me know
Instance after instance I've ignored my soul
Now the grim reaper's coming after me 'cause I've burnt up all my love

Don't be like me and think the things I've thought
Search for meaningless treasures, the only thing I've sought
Now the grim reaper's coming after me 'cause I've burnt up all my love

The enemy of time, protecting you
From neglecting the things you love when mortality is due

This final chapter of the series presents a conversation between my present self and my future self. It draws inspiration from my self-love letter-turned-song, Sincerely, Your Dearest Friend (2022). There’s no greater comfort than hearing from your future self that things will be okay and that “you’re going places.”

Lyrics:

Excuse me sir, can I walk with you in your car
I hope you understand it's a little far
I've traveled far to come and meet with you
Thanks for stopping by the show tonight

Love to hear life is gonna be alright
Long nights alone seem to give me such a fright
I know you will be okay if you stick around for a little while
You'd be surprised at the places you're headed from here

Photograph taken in Scottsdale, AZ (2012)

Photograph taken of cousin in Las Vegas, NV (2011)

Photograph taken of Jesse Hall, University of Missouri Campus, Columbia, Missouri (2017)

Photograph taken of Christ Church St. Michael's Parish, St. Michael's, MD (2023)

This piece is the art that I constructed for my demo album Dandelion Soup (2024)

Featured signage from a festival I organized in Columbia, MO, in May 2023, called Escape the Monotony. This music and arts festival, made possible with the help of many wonderful people, showcased an all-day lineup of live music, artists, spoken word performances, and vendors representing diverse backgrounds and crafts. The festival's purpose was true to its name: to provide an enriching escape from the day-to-day grind through the transformative power of art.

Photograph taken in Columbia, MO (2018)