using different chemical treatments
putting some polaroids through an induced state of deterioration
mostly self-portraits
as it was a period of such for myself
a time of falling apart
and it was needed
as it made way for many renovations

trying to share my polaroids
the way they would be seen in hand
with sunlight bouncing off of them
or through them
making the viewer evermore present
this is the hope at least

i got a passport when i was 18
but did not use it until i was 24
money certainly played a part in not getting overseas for years
all i ever daydreamed of in my adolescence
was traveling abroad
to lands where i did not speak the language
where i did not know the culture, food, and smells
and of falling in love
again and again
never imagined i would be falling in love
again and again
with the same man
but that is life
not as you imagined it
hopefully better than you could have

these days
traveling centers around just close family and friends
i travel to see them
to see life through them
create experiences together
laugh together
eat together

though i have self-timers for most of my camera's
i often find myself using a mirror to take a self-portrait
mirrors that have been in my family for generations
mirrors that have been within homes, in doors, for decades? more?
i cannot help but think of who else looked at themselves in these mirrors
crying
singing
putting on make-up
and whatever else

a few shots from my first year of shooting
by the end of the year my grandparents had found
an old 220 land polaroid camera in their attic
and gave it to me
this camera plus the spectra polaroid that was my mom's
are deeply loved and well used

the year i got a bundle of choco 80 polaroid film
it has been a wonderful film to work with

the year i found a muse in meghan
i was so nervous to meet her and photograph her
unsure of myself as a photographer
and i am a shy personality on top of it
so just the basics of meeting a new person
made me filled with nerves
all went well that first day
we had fun
we took some great shots
and we became friends

i found another muse by 2010 in my friend keren
and meghan came to visit us a few times

by the time we moved to baltimore
in may 2011
and throughout this past year
i have been shooting less
and hardly sharing
i went through a period of being quite the hermit
and though i enjoy solitude
this can quickly turn to something more harmful than helpful
this isolation
self-isolation
and it did for me
and i went through a period of depression
and i know a big source of it
has to do with my hardly creating
and not sharing

i have traveled to texas to see family a few times
and to spain with a friend

i took a class in beginning ballet at peabody
and am now taking guitar lessons
and will begin my welding class at MICA this month
i am branching out
doing what i wished i had done for myself
instead of regretting
much like with participating in this artists awards
i would so regret not participating
and here i am
at the final hours
participating
sharing