AAAAaaapocalypse!
Rear scenery scrolls upward to give the illusion that we are descending underground. As we scroll, the narrator speaks.
Narrator: (reminiscent of the Super Friends narrator) Deep within American soil, far below the grass-roots movements of the 21st century, there lies the all-seeing, all-knowing, slightly paranoid American Point Of View. 
Eventually, two giant eyes are revealed, one red, Left, and one blue, Right. Heroes Gypsy and Poupon enter. 

Gypsy: Wow, Poupon. This place is foreboding.
Poupon: How can it be for boating when zhere is no water?
Gypsy: No, foreboding. It means, ÒOf ill portent.Ó
Poupon: I agree, it does feel important. 
Gypsy: Well, of course itÕs important, otherwise why would the almighty APOV, stern of purpose and severe in opinion, have called us, Gypsy of the River Folk and Sean Poupon, the Grey Knight, to his secret lair? It must be because we are the greatest adventuring duo since Mason and Dixon.
Poupon: I concur.
Gypsy: (pause) Do you think thatÕs enough backstory?
Poupon: Oui. 
Gypsy: Very well! I wonder what our secret mission will be THIS time. 
Right:(startling Gypsy and Poupon) HEROES! You have been called before the almighty APOV. Stand ready, or I shall focus my gaze upon you. 
Gypsy: No-no, no cause for that.
Poupon: That shall not be necessary. For we are here to do your bidding. 
APOV: youÕre going to do my pudding?
Poupon: No-no, I said Bidding!
Gypsy: bada bing?
Poupon: (no accent) your bidding.
APOV: Oh! Then I bid you adeu!
Gypsy: A what?
Poupon: Adeu!
Gypsy: Do what?
All: you remind me of the babe.
Gypsy: But, whatÕs our mission?
APOV: you must travel to the far reaches of . . . Howard County!
Poupon: Are you calling me a Howard?
APOV: Yes! Howard be thy name, and you shall travel the far corners of that cave over there, past the guy selling watermelons and apple pie magnets, across the warehouse of archived cold war movies and anti Native American propaganda. 
Poupon: Ooh! Do you have any Jerry Lewis?
Gypsy: Great balls of fire! You havenÕt told us what the threat is, APOV.
APOV: YouÕll know it when you see it. ItÕs lugubrious, but jovial. ItÕs ostentatious, yet uncomfortable. Ferocious, yet flaccid. But, most of all, it must be stopped!
Gypsy: Why?
Poupon: Because flaccid must be stopped!!!
APOV: DonÕt ask questions, just drain its blood and bring it back here to fuel my donut dragwagon.
Poupon: Will Do! Adeu!
Gypsy: Ewww.
APOV: But donÕt hurt it, whatever you do, because that would be racist.
Gypsy: Drain itÕs blood?
Poupon: But donÕt hurt it?
APOV: EEEEHHHH! Your time is up! Off with you.
Gyspy: Wait a minute, I find the duality of your statements confusing. 
Poupon: Yes, why are constantly contradicting yourself?
APOV: Because I am The American Point Of View, I have my cake and eat it, too. You canÕt blame me Ôcause IÕm just like you, and Rag-na-rok is coming true! Bwah hahahahahah!
(Exits)
Gypsy: Wow, that was cryptic.



Narrator: And so, our heros, clueless but enthusiastic, travel the musty corridors and the hallowed halls of Grbglibigiblsnerk, which, in ancient Gnome, means ÒShit America forgot about and were reminded of why it should really really stay that way.Ó They snuck past the beast with checks and no balances, 
(Offstage) IÕm overdrawn!

Narrator: They hiked through the museum of American Whigs, 
(My nameÕs Jackson, call me Andrew, wanna party?)
Narrator: They got stuck in Manassas swamp.
Gypsy: Smell! Bad!
Poupon: LetÕs no fight among ourselves.
Narrator: And the pit of small pox blankets.
Poupon: Zis is madness!
Gypsy: This is Spartan!
Poupon: Geronimo!
Narrator: they even Waded across the river of Roe.
Poupon: Maybe we should abort?
Gypsy: TOO SOON!
Narrator: Finally, they arrive at the mysterious location, henceforth known in the spirit of Nationalism as ÒThat Cave, over there,Ó where the Dragon Roflmao is busily cooking up pancakes and ingesting foreign substances.
Roflmao: (cooking up pancakes with a giant spatula) Mary Mac mac mac all dressed in black black black, eating a big mac mac mac and now sheÕs fat fat fat heart atack ack ack and she died of obesity. (and sipping on a barrel of maple syrup) Slurp! Mmmmm. Fresh Canadian Maple Syrup. I love that giant sucking sound. Slurp!
Gypsy: OMG! What is that mysterious sucking noise?
Poupon: ItÕs kind of catchy.
(School is for losers)
Roflmao: Got me a fine life got me old griddle sunÕs coming up I got cakes on my griddle. Life ainÕt nothinÕ unless you got a griddle. Thank God I got a griddle.
Poupon: Zhere is ze beastie. Boy, IÕm going check his head! (Waving a weapon)
Gypsy: WAIT! We canÕt just wack off the head of this poor, defenseless, disgusting creature. We were told not to hurt him. 
Poupon: But, how are we to drain his blood to fuel the donut dragwagon?
Gypsy: I donÕt know how anybody can fuel a dragwagon. What the hell is a dragwagon.
Poupon: You donÕt question the American Point Of View, you simply abide. (A-Bid-ey)
Gypsy: Well, IÕm certainly not going to question THAT, but APOV told us NOT to hurt him. 
Roflmao: Hi there! Come on in and have a flap, Jack! Have a crepe, Suzette! Would you like an egg, Benedict? 
Poupon: No I do not want a Pancake! I am here to scramble you!
Poupon rushes Roflmao and gets caught up in the flipping. Screaming and shit commences.
Poupon: Enough with you flipping me off! 
Roflmao: Sorry, I hit you with my flipper, but you fell within my . . . range. 
Gypsy: Pun! Pun DANCE! (Pun dance)
Poupon: ItÕs time for me to give you a . . . Grand Slam! (Poupon does the Pun dance alone, realizes too late-embarrassment) I will not have any more of your breakfast humor!
Roflmao: French Toast, then? 
Poupon: Ah! Oui!
Roflmao: Coming right up!
Narrator: and so, our heroes sit down for a heaping helping of peace, and fresh batch of love and tasty slice of eternity. 
APOV: (entering) NO! UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN! Breakfast is not to be shared with an abominationÉ not even freedom toast! His political views are POISON!
Gypsy: Do you mind? We are in the middle of a meal!
APOV: Of course I mind! I will not stop until there is no one left in the middle!
Roflmao: You again! Every time things get back to normal, you show up with your Socialist, Neo-con, Left-Right, Commu-narcoleptic, Green Whig libernazi politburacracy GOPeter pumpkineater stuff. 
APOV: YouÕll be laughing out the other side of your snout when your blood is fueling my donut dragwagon, lizard lips!
Poupon: No! No blood for oil!
Gypsy: Go away, donÕt tread on we!
Poupon: Oui!
Roflmao: There more of us than there are of you, APOV. The middle is strong.
APOV: AH! But you underestimate my secret weapon! 
Roflmao: Do your worst, Fili-buster!
APOV: Fine! Send in . . . The Media!
EVERYONE: NOOOOOOO! ITÓS THE END THE END!
Clowns: (enter. ÒPressÓ tags on hats, cameras, etc, passing out leaflets that say END OF TIMES) In Jest! In Jest! ItÕs the end of the world In JEST! Get your apocalypse, here.